Revelations on Love and Relationships…

Said below are some very esoteric truths and some hard ground realities. Love is beautiful and all would love to read and spend time on it. But the hard truth about relationships is worth reading as man spends much of his time struggling with it. Lets see them both...

LOVE COMES IN ONLY ONE COLOUR. PURE WHITE. There is only one kind of love, if and when it exists. Be it between a mother and child, a brother and sister or between a young couple or between a husband and wife.

Astounding, as it may seem, it is true.

Then what is this thing between people that differs? That's relationship. Relationship is the sum total of rights and responsibilities with respect to one another.

Relationships are born out of contact. When two people come in contact, a relationship is born. It can vary widely from a mother-son relationship to a customer-supplier relationship.

One may wonder what a customer-supplier relationship has to do with love. No marks for guessing. It’s not based on love. Its based on need. Need for action, need for money. A relationship can exist even without love.

There are only three kinds of such relationships. They come as 'financial', 'forced' or 'immoral'. A financial relationship is more a partnership in productive action. Forced relationships are ones into which at least one of the two is forced. It may be a case of bonded labour or a marriage without consent, executed forcibly. An immoral relationship is born out of lust and is short lived.

Turning to the relationships based on love, how does one now substantiate the statement that only one kind of love exists between all???

Taking it slowly, if relationships based on love are analysed from their birth, we see this.

They are of course born when two people come in contact. Relationships thereafter grow in proportion to the time spent together. Relationships within the family have an edge over other in that time spent is most often higher. One is always imposed with familial relationships. When they also are accompanied by love, they are very heartening. they form the strong roots for success of a person in life.

Outside the family, relationships build once one starts moving out. Until about 3 years, our parents hold exclusive rights over us. As we move out, we build student-teacher relationships at school and the peer relationship, 'friendship'. Here we make choices. We spend more time with the ones we like. And slowly we start giving more rights to the other and take more responsibilities about the other. Rich friendships are built during school days.

But it’s in the youth the one is out for most of the time and builds most relationships. Love descends on most people during these times. Everyone always needs someone who they can see as their own and share their happiness / grief with. Sharing, spending time together and active with rights and responsibilities, one strengthens relationship. Its not necessary one finds comfort in just one other person. The society sitting quiet all the while suddenly wakes up with a scream calling slogans of immorality.

Love is unrestricted and can be distributed in as much abundance as we can imagine to as many people as we know. But relationships! No! They, though being the expressions of love, the perceptible part remain a limited resource. This is what the society seeks to restrict. Why? Simple. Society needs to sustain itself and continue to exist despite anything. It has existed so long and that is clear proof of its strength. It does not mind sacrificing individual good for societal good, which it sees as a higher good.

Sustainability is essential for any system. Society is one and it needs to survive. Smaller communities may exist flouting rules of the overall society but a society of 'large scale' always has to find stable rules for sustenance. The male / female population ratio on the earth remains roughly 'one'. This is the simple key to sustenance. Society holds any relationship undefined by it as 'immoral' and outcasts those who indulge in it.

The one relationship, which every society fears to define, is 'friendship' because it looks potentially dangerous and capable of flouting all rules and upsetting its rhythm. So, whenever a friendship grows dangerous i.e. in terms of time spent together and rights / responsibilities shared, society calls foul and intervenes. The only way of making society quiet and still keep the relationship is to give it a name known to it, which if the individuals in question are off the opposite sex is 'marriage'. Society happily rests. One more success to its count.

Societies have feared and still fear undefined relationships between individuals of the same sex. Unlike the case before, it does not have the option of 'forcing' a 'marriage' here. Any attempts to give a name and allow them will end up consuming that society in its entirety and lead to the death of that society. Fortunately they are controlled more by the genes and society does not have to worry much.

One can see very clearly that there arises no reason to define a second variety in love itself. The variety exists in its expressions and not in itself.

Love never binds. It sets free one's mind and the beloved too. It knows only to give and to think for the other. It runs by giving and being given, never by asking / demanding.

But to continue this expression of love, one has to choose a form, i.e. a relationship. And relationships work only if effort is from both sides. No relationship can be fully driven by one side. When it does run, driven by both, it still binds. Both remain bound and committed to it. They create constraints since the time the other has and the rights on them are limited resources, and a person wants to consume all of it for oneself.

While talking love, which is unseen, unheard, only felt, there is no society. The society has no power to limit it. But once given a form, society peeps in and monitors every relationship. It ensures sustenance by advising off, threatening and if required even by killing relationships which threaten it. Self-defence it is. It destroys the peace that existed in the lives of the individuals concerned. Its own way, the strongest attack on individuals. Steal his / her sleep, peace of mind and he / she will break or relent. Else force them into some other relationship.

The lesson goes this way. LOVE. But don’t expect that each relationship should prosper. Only those allowed by the society can flourish and keep your peace of mind intact. Don’t lose your peace for happiness. It’s a bad bargain, as happiness and joy can never exist without peace.

Love does not die when a relationship, which is its expression, is killed. It is indestructible. It is not explainable. It cannot be put into words. It comes, not after asking for your permission, and when it has come, you will know it has come and is there to stay.

Build strong relationships based on love, ones that society allows. If you dare to brave the society, you may win or you may lose. It’s your choice to fight. But remember. Love never dies.



May Life Live Long in LOVE…